“Memoir isn’t the summary of a life; it’s a window into a life,
very much like a photograph in its selective composition.
It may look like a casual and even random calling up of bygone events.
It’s not; it’s a deliberate construction.”
For the past year, I’ve been writing a memoir. When I have mentioned this to friends, family, or acquaintances, I’m met with one of two responses: “impressive!” and “why?” While I appreciate the positive responses, the “why” is more important to understand.
- I write to get all those memories out of my head. This is the most selfish of all my reasons. Once those memories or experiences are out of my head, I can do something with them. Otherwise, they continue to rattle around and make nuisances of themselves.
- I write to tell others my story in the hopes that it will help them understand their own lives a little better or maybe understand me a bit more.
- I write to make sense of my life’s paths, the detours, the diversions, the highlands, and the hollows.
- I write to find out what my life means.
This writing, however, is a work in progress, and I’m surprised at how difficult it has been. To be clear, I’ve only written about some of the more traumatic experiences of my life, as this has been the most obvious place to begin. Remembering and reexperiencing hasn’t been any fun, but today I remember and reexperience as an educated adult with a lot of distance from those original traumas. My perspective is different today, and while remembering the past has been hard and at times emotionally paralyzing, remembering has also brought clarity and control. I am now in control of my narrative.
As I’ve been writing, I continue to place a disclaimer—the definition of “memoir”—the top of most sections of the manuscript. I place it at the top of most sections to remind myself that there will be people who will not appreciate this work. They will disagree with my memories or my perspectives or my truth telling. That’s the nature of memoir. I am remembering specific incidents through the lens of my understanding. My memories are specific only to me. Others who were there (family members, for example), might remember the exact event differently. That’s OK. They can write their own memoir, one that’s written through their lens of understanding.
Memoir: a nonfiction narrative that is based on the author’s memories.